00:00
Okay, Nikki, when was the last time that you actually showed your face on social media? I see a lot of beautiful pics of your schooling these days. But…
Nikki
00:10
Well, I’m okay with showing my face when I have complete control over it. I have discovered my perfect selfie angle, and just the right amount of blur and color correction. But when it comes to video and actually talking to the camera, I’m still terrified.
Laura
00:26
Well, I know there’s this whole thing in business called the know, like and trust factor. So the more you see of someone’s face and their life, the more invested you get in their brand, and that you want to buy products and services from them.
Nikki
00:40
Yeah, I have a lot of resistance about it. But I also know that it works. The people that I like to follow and buy from are the ones that let you into their lives, they show you who they are. And the best way to do that is to show your damn face and talk to people.
Laura
00:58
Well, we definitely get scared of revealing our personalities and our faces in a public arena.
Nikki
01:03
Yeah, so let’s get into some of the reasons why we’re afraid to put ourselves out there and what we can do to make it easier.
Laura
01:10
All right. Hi, this is Laura Lee Griffin.
Nikki
01:18
And this is Nikki May with Startist Society, inspiring you to stop getting in your own way and start building an art biz and life that you love.
Laura
01:27
We are artists who believe strongly in the power of community, accountability, following your intuition, taking small actionable steps and breaking down the barriers of fear and procrastination that keep you stuck.
Nikki
01:40
Follow along with us on our creative business journey as we encourage you on yours. So Laura, we’ve touched on fears in a bunch of episodes. In episode 31, we talked about fear of calling yourself an artist. And we did an entire episode on fear, episode 39, where we talked about fear about not being good enough, about having nothing to say. We even briefly mentioned being afraid to put ourselves out there and really be seen, and that’s what we’re gonna dive into today.
Laura
02:14
Yeah, we know how important video is in today’s world. Facebook and Instagram posts are pretty much unlikely to be seen or even shared much without video these days. And video lets you go much more h than just text or photos and it helps people to get to know you better. And it also increases that know, like and trust factor that’s important in helping people want to work with you.
Nikki
02:39
I learned a new word today when I was thinking about this episode, it’s scopophobia.
Laura
02:45
What? Scopophobia?
Nikki
02:48
Scopophobia.
Laura
02:48
Say that three times fast!
Nikki
02:50
I’m not actually sure I’m pronouncing it correctly, but let’s go with it. And scopeophobia is excessive fear of being watched or stared at.
Laura
02:59
Okay.
Nikki
03:00
And I don’t actually have that phobia. I don’t mind people looking at me. I don’t mind being the center of attention, either in person or in photos. At least the photos I take. But somehow as soon as there’s a video camera on me, the fear comes out.
Laura
03:15
Hmm. Well, Nikki, I grew up in musical theater and performance troops. I sang church and events solos in front of literally thousands of people. And I played concertos and piano competitions on a regular basis…
Nikki
03:27
Overachiever.
Laura
03:30
I guess I was a bit of a ham growing up, but I’m less prone to share my life in public now that I’m older. I’m kind of a pretty private person.
Nikki
03:38
Well, and playing music and singing a song is very different than just talking directly to the camera.
Laura
03:45
Yeah, well, I also did a number of TV commercials when I was a kid. So maybe I don’t have that excuse.
Nikki
03:51
Yet, but that’s also different in kind of the same way as playing music and singing, because there’s a separation when you’re performing someone else’s music or acting from someone else’s words, than really putting your true self out there. I imagine you’d be more fearful if it was a song you had written. But let’s talk about those commercials. What were they can we find them somewhere?
Laura
04:14
Well, the commercials were for things like the local TV’s cartoon lineup where I had to like sword fight with Shira and hang out with the Jetsons or eat America’s finest bite sized cookies.
Nikki
04:26
I want to eat America’s finest bite sized cookies with the Jetsons.
Laura
04:31
Well, that said, I actually did write music in high school and I performed to have my own songs in front of hundreds of people. I wrote one called “Falling in Love With You”.
Nikki
04:42
Was that written for someone specific that you were falling in love with?
Laura
04:45
Yes. And then the next year when we broke up for a while I wrote a song that was at one point titled “I Was Wrong”. And I performed that in front of the same group and my boyfriend got lots of dirty looks that day. So I guess it did its job.
Nikki
05:01
Nice. So you really were not afraid of putting yourself out there at some point?
Laura
05:07
Yeah, well, singing and piano came so naturally to me and I wasn’t really nervous in that particular environment, which was singing in front of my school and recording my music to give to family and friends. But I would get super nervous when I was playing, let’s say, a e classical piano piece in front of a judge because I was so scared, I’d forget the notes. So I used to start playing faster and faster and faster so that the notes would come out quicker, and I wouldn’t forget them, which did not always work out for me.
Nikki
05:37
Yikes. I was so opposite. I know you’ll all find this hard to believe, but I used to be painfully shy. I didn’t want to talk to people I didn’t know, I didn’t want to make a phone call. Well, I still don’t want to make or answer a phone call, but it’s not because I’m shy. Clearly not shy anymore.
Laura
05:57
Yeah, so Nikki is voicemail actually tells you that if you had sent her a text or an email, she would have responded already and it isn’t her favorite means of communication. Rude.
Nikki
06:09
Yeah, well, some people might think it’s rude. I think it’s hilarious. And I use it as a filter to weed out people who don’t get me and then I either don’t want in my life or don’t want as a client.
Laura
06:21
Okay, so we’re just going to let you listen to this message here for a second.
Nikki
06:29
“Hi, this is Nikki, if you know me, you know that this is not my preferred method of communication. If you had texted or emailed, I probably would have responded by now.”
Laura
06:41
On a sidebar though, Nikki, I think people have lost the art of conversation. There’s a lot that is lost in translation in a text and I’d much rather talk to someone about a thing, then go back and forth like eight times and email or text.
Nikki
06:54
Well, that’s you, Laura, not me. So let’s get back to our topic. I think a big part of why some of us might be scared of being on camera is that we see ourselves very differently in our head than when we see photos or videos of ourselves.
Laura
07:10
Right.
Nikki
07:10
So it’s very disconcerting to discover that we don’t sound or look or move the way we feel like we do. You know how when you hear your voice recorded, you’re often shocked that you sound so different from how you sound in your head. Hell, in my head, I’m an amazing singer. And I can imitate any accent flawlessly, and can whistle a tune perfectly on key. Of course, none of these things are true once I open my mouth. Take that to video and it’s amplified by a gazillion.
Laura
07:41
Well, it took me weeks or probably months to get comfortable with editing these episodes because it was like nails on a chalkboard to hear my own voice over and over and over again. But like anything, it gets better with practice, and you also learn how to modify the things that annoy you the most. For example, once you start recording a podcast, you realize how often you use words like “um” and “you know”
Nikki
08:07
Or “absolutely.” I’d like to remove that and “awesome” from my vocabulary.
Laura
08:12
Yes, absolutely.
Nikki
08:15
Okay, Laura. So, let’s talk about why we fear putting ourselves out there and what some of our specific fears are.
Laura
08:23
Well, if you’re like me, you may be an overthinker, and a perfectionist, which is kind of a deadly combination, because it leads to a lot of procrastination. Like you were talking about Nikki, it’s not too hard to get in front of an audience and perform someone else’s words. But when you’re opening up and talking to a camera about your own artwork, for example, or your own point of view, it can be really intimidating. Also, when you and I were growing up, social media didn’t exist. And to be honest, neither did the internet.
Nikki
08:55
I know, nobody was asking us to put ourselves out there all the time in order to promote our art or business.
Laura
09:00
Yeah, so I could feel comfortable sharing my own music. But a lot of that was because people in school could, I guess talk about it behind my back if they wanted, but I didn’t have to go home and be inundated by Facebook or Instagram or Twitter posts about how I performed that night. Or I wouldn’t have you know, trolls leaving random comments.
Nikki
09:22
Oh, the comments. Never read the comments.
Laura
09:26
Well, the truth of the matter is that if you’re putting yourself out there at all in a brave way, you absolutely won’t have 100% of people like you, and that’s totally okay.
Nikki
09:37
Wait, it’s okay if not everybody likes us?
Laura
09:41
It is okay. They aren’t meant to be your people. But putting yourself out there helps the right people find you. And I know that some people use being an introvert also as an excuse, but really there are a lot of public speakers who are actually introverts. One key example is Brene Brown who said in an interview with Susan Cain, who wrote the book “Quiet”, which is all about introversion. “Most people find it hard to believe, but I’m an introvert. I’m comfortable speaking to 2000 people about my work, but dropped me into a cocktail party with 50 people and I’m lost.” Now she’s still able to make a living, communicating with the masses and being very vulnerable and sharing her truths. To explore more about growing an art business as an introvert, make sure that you go back and listen to Startist Society, episode number 11. Now, Nikki, what are some of the other fears that keep us from sharing ourselves and our work?
Nikki
10:35
Okay, I made a list. I gotta have my excuses at hand. So here’s what I think a lot of people might be afraid of.
Laura
10:43
Okay.
Nikki
10:44
So, the fear of exposing your deep dark secrets. We have this idea that people will judge us for the things that we think or how we feel. A lot of us fear coming across as too salesy on social media, or how we look or sound on video. We fear that we’ll say something wrong and sound awkward or silly or dumb, or that we’ll freeze up and not be able to say anything at all. Sometimes we’re afraid of sharing too much personal info, because we’re very private or reserved. Well, that’s not me, obviously.
Laura
11:22
It’s for me.
Nikki
11:24
But um, yeah, and that feeling of vulnerability that just keeps us paralyzed. And really just all around self consciousness.
Laura
11:32
Okay, Nikki, so how can we get past some of these?
Nikki
11:35
Well, let’s go into some of those in more depth. So if your fear is being judged for how you think or how you feel, remember that we’re all human. And we really all experience the same things. And it’s the vulnerability of putting yourself out there that helps people see you as more like them, more human more real.
Laura
11:56
Yeah, I’d like to put up picture perfect finished paintings. But when you show the ugly middle process, or were you experimented with something that just did not turn out the way you wanted, it really helps others see you as more like them. And if you think of the people that you follow, aren’t those some of the posts that you enjoy the most?
Nikki
12:16
Absolutely. There’s that word again. So okay, if you’re afraid of looking or sounding stupid, think about what the worst-case scenario is. What’s the worst thing that could happen? We’ll feel foolish for a couple of minutes, and most likely nobody even noticed or if they did, they’ll have forgotten in less time than it takes you to listen to this episode.
Laura
12:40
Well just think of all the times that we’ve sounded silly on this podcast, Nikki.
Nikki
12:44
Not us. We’re, we’re totally serious and perfect all the time aren’t we?
Laura
12:50
Well, I’m pretty sure we’ve thoroughly embarrassed ourselves a million times by now. So…
Nikki
12:55
At least. So here’s an interesting tip I read about on the Loom website, when I was researching ideas of how to get used to being on camera. One strange thing that I guess you never really think about, we’re used to seeing our faces in the mirror. So that’s a backwards view of what other people see. Our faces and expressions aren’t symmetrical, so when you see yourself on video, it’s not what you’re used to seeing, and it looks really odd to you. In Loom, and likely in other apps, you can view your video flipped, so you’re seeing the mirror image that you’re used to seeing, and that might be something that makes it easier because there’s less of a disconnect between what you think you look like and what others see.
Laura
13:39
Okay, interesting. I never thought about that.
Nikki
13:42
Yeah, I just thought that was fascinating.
Laura
13:45
So, what do you do if you’re afraid of sounding too salesy? Well, think of it as teaching, sharing and connecting, not just selling or promoting. If you authentically tell people about something that you love, and that you’re super excited to share, others will naturally love it, too. And it may not be every single person, like we talked about, but the right people will find you.
Nikki
14:11
Yeah, because not everybody loves it when I share about all the creepy dolls and dead things that I collect. But the right people are out there and appreciate it.
Laura
14:20
And they love it.
Nikki
14:22
Right. So if you’re afraid of sharing too much personal info on social media, you can set some guidelines for yourself about what you’ll talk about and what you won’t. Maybe you draw a line at talking about your kids or you only want to share things you’re proud of. It’s completely in your control to decide what to put out there and what to keep to yourself.
Laura
14:43
And I think it’s important here to state that sharing yourself and your work does not mean just on social media. Like we all know social media can be a bit of a fickle, constantly changing algorithm. And so the best places for you to infuse more of yourself is through your email list, your website, or even your profile on a teaching platform.
Nikki
15:06
And of course, your podcast.
Laura
15:08
And your podcast.
Nikki
15:10
I mean, I share so much about my love of bourbon, you’ll probably think I’m an alcoholic. I promise I’m not. I’m not even drinking any bourbon today.
Laura
15:21
You aren’t! Well know that it will get easier the first time or two or 20 or 50 times, your brain is going to tell you that the world might end. But really, it won’t. You can get used to almost anything. If you do it enough times, it becomes easier. And you’ll see that nothing terrible happens at the end.
Nikki
15:42
Oh, yeah, the first bunch of times, we recorded podcast episodes, we especially me, really sounded like we were just reading from our notes. But the more practice, the more comfortable we got. And I even admitted previously how terrified I was of doing my first interview. But after doing the first one, I realized it wasn’t so bad. And after doing a few I realized, it’s my favorite thing to do.
Laura
16:07
Yeah, and you never know if it’ll be your favorite thing until you actually try something new.
Nikki
16:12
Right? So take baby steps. If a live video feels too scary, record it first. If putting it out there into the entire internet, social media world, it feels too huge. Start with talking to a small group on Facebook, like maybe in our Startist Society Facebook group.
Laura
16:29
Yeah, or even start smaller, don’t show your face at first, but just use your voice. And you can put together a small selection of videos through a reel template. Or you can create a time-lapse. So for example, you can show yourself pulling out your supplies, getting them set up on a table, starting your artwork, the middle stages, and then pull back to show the finished piece. And you can get used to video that way before you actually show your face on camera.
Nikki
16:56
Another thing you can do to be more comfortable is pretend you’re talking to just one person, your best friend maybe, rather than a big unknown audience. And know that despite Laura’s obsession with the perfect audio editing, people care more about the content of what you’re sharing than it being absolutely perfect.
Laura
17:14
Yeah, but let’s talk a little bit about audio. I’m sorry, don’t have your dog walking around on a wood floor with its fingernails while you’re talking or habits snoring right next to you.
Nikki
17:23
Does your dog have fingernails?
Laura
17:25
He does, well he has toenails, whatever, it’s the same thing. Don’t have a massive furnace or air conditioning unit kick on in the middle of whatever you’re trying to say. And don’t record right in front of a window that’s in front of like a busy street where you’ll get a lot of honking or things like that that’ll interrupt and distract people from what you’re trying to say.
Nikki
17:47
Are you looking at the person who lives on a bus when you say that?
Laura
17:50
Maybe, though, as you know, my new spot to record the podcast is in my bedroom closet underneath all of my clothes because it is the quietest place in the house.
Nikki
18:01
And we haven’t even tried to record on the bus yet, but it’s coming.
Laura
18:05
Well, I’m sure you, our listeners, will be willing to forgive us our impromptu sound effects. Okay, Nikki, so what else can help us get over our fears?
Nikki
18:17
Well, maybe don’t do it alone. The idea of just talking directly to the camera is terrifying to me, but being interviewed with you by Elizabeth Silver wasn’t too bad, I actually enjoyed it.
Laura
18:28
Yeah, it was fun. We’ll put a link to that in the show notes, if you haven’t had a chance to listen to that interview.
Nikki
18:34
And another thing that helps is my specialty. Laugh at yourself. Self deprecation can be a big defense mechanism. And my therapist would probably tell you I use it too much, but a little bit of it can help.
Laura
18:48
Yeah, true. Okay, so I think it’s time to do a small challenge Nikki. I want to make this totally attainable for Startists. So I think what we do is we commit to creating three small videos, they could be reels that could be lives, they could be stories, where you show yourself, either your face or your hands on social media. Or it could be something that you share in an email or on your website.
Nikki
19:16
And if you really aren’t ready to put it out there to the larger internet, we encourage you to still make the videos and share it with us in our Startist Society Facebook group. If you’re already in there, you’ll know we are all very encouraging.
Laura
19:29
Okay, so convinced you should do video but don’t know where to start? We’ll dive into some of the specifics around equipment, apps and techniques you can use with just your phone in our next episode. Now it’s your turn. Share with us in the Facebook group. Did you put yourself out there on video? If not, what’s keeping you from doing it?
Nikki
19:48
To read today’s show notes, go to startistsociety.com/showyourface.
Laura
19:54
If you’ve enjoyed today’s episode, we’d love for you to leave us a five-star rating and review and share it with us friend. Sharing helps us reach more Startists like you and keeps us inspired to create new episodes
Nikki
20:07
Thanks for listening and we’ll see you next time
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