105 – Elli Milan’s Tips on Beating Perfectionism

Laura

0:06
Hi, this is Laura Lee Griffin.

Nikki

0:08
And this is Nikki May with the Startist Society, inspiring you to stop getting in your own way and start building an art biz and life that you love.

Laura

0:17
We are artists who believe strongly in the power of community, accountability, following your intuition, taking small actionable steps and breaking down the barriers of fear and procrastination that keep you stuck.

Nikki

0:30
Follow along with us on our creative business journey as we encourage you on yours.

Laura

0:38
In our last episode, we introduced you to Elli Milan, an artist, author, educator, speaker and founding owner of Milan Art Institute and Art Social. If you haven’t had a chance to listen to that episode yet, definitely go back and check it out. Today, Elli is back to share her 10 best tips on getting past perfectionism as an artist and entrepreneur.

Nikki

1:01
Elli, welcome back to Startist Society. We’re super glad to have you back.

Elli

1:06
Yeah, thank you for having me.

Nikki

1:07
Let’s get right into your tips.

Elli

1:10
Okay, so I think a lot of artists struggle with perfectionism. And what seems to be at the root of all of it is expectations, whether it’s expectations that we have for ourselves, or its expectations that we perceive are out there in the the audience, right, and the people that we feel like we’re performing for, measuring up to, and I think those expectations and sort of the dialogue that goes on in our head, and the way we sort of perceive the near future, and what could happen, or what will happen, is all keeping artists who struggle with this stuck, and it’s agonizing; it’s not fun. And I don’t feel like I struggle with perfectionism too much anymore, but there was a time where I definitely did, and I’ve found that if it starts to rear its head again, these tips can help. And in all the students I’ve helped and mentored, I found that these tips I’m going to share can really, really help.

Nikki

2:18
So you’re saying we actually can get past it?

Elli

2:20
Yeah. A great thing to encourage you, too, is that once you overcome it’s really something that you kind of overcome one time. And it doesn’t have a grip like it used to.

Nikki

2:36
Excellent.

Elli

2:36
Yeah, you might feel like a slight pull or draw in that direction, and maybe if you feed it, it’ll get back there. But I think that once you’ve really overcome it, once you’re on the other side of it… The number one cure all for almost anything an artist goes through, this will cure anything is just…

Nikki

2:55
Bourbon?

Elli

2:56
Paint more.

Nikki

2:57
Oh, paint more. .

Elli

3:00
Yeah…bourbon oh, right.

Nikki

3:01
I have to talk about bourbon in every episode.

Elli

3:04
Oh, well, you’d like my husband. He’s a whiskey guy. He loves all the different flavors. And he’s all into it.

Nikki

3:10
Nice. But, but the true answer is…

Elli

3:14
Yeah, it’s just paint more. But that’s way easier said than done. Because that’s the problem, right? You’re like, Well, okay, I would like to paint more, but I’m stuck. So the key is just to get painting, it doesn’t matter what you make. Doesn’t matter if it ever amounts to anything. It’s just you’ve got to paint.

Laura

3:36
Maybe intentionally painting a bad painting.

Elli

3:38
Yeah, that’s my first tip. Oh, yeah. So, so not just one bad painting, intentionally paint several bad paintings. Just make a bunch of bad paintings make like, you could just get sheets of paper, and just paint a bunch of gobbledygook on 10 sheets of paper, and then pin them up all around you. So all around you is bad painting. So that’s your new measurement. And so when you measure up, all you have to do is beat those paintings, which is easy.

Nikki

4:10
You might even be surprised and find something in those bad paintings that’s not actually bad.

Elli

4:15
Right, because you were loosened up and you had fun. So just goof around on 10 paintings in a zoo that and just put them up so you can see them, especially if they make you blush, and you’re like, ah, that’s so bad.

Elli

4:33
Okay, this is one that I’ve, I’ve done and I still try to do when I get when I feel my pride, you know, elevated is show your work in progress to the people you’re performing for. So yeah, it’s hard but if you just show it in progress, even on social media, you know, put up a work in progress. Or, you know, show your process you know how you got to where you got to, you know, those ugly stages, show your ugly stages. That can help.

Elli

5:07
I think that journaling your inner conversation is good, as long as you flip the script. So if you write down what you’re hearing yourself tell yourself like, Oh, this sucks, nobody’s gonna like, this is terrible, I don’t think I can pull this off. You know what, I’m actually not that great of an artist, I don’t I don’t even know what I’m doing. I don’t know, if I’ll ever be able to… right? All that inner dialogue, all that junk, all those lies. If you kind of write them down the highlights, you know, of of those lies, and then flip the script. So if you’re telling yourself you know, I’m such a perfectionist then write, it’s easy for me to let things go. Or if you’re telling yourself, you know, I…

Nikki

5:59
I have no good ideas.

Elli

6:00
I have no good ideas. I’m not original, then you write, my artwork is super unique and singular, and nobody else paints like me. And so, you just have to get used to being able to hear those things and hear yourself say those things. And the reason you want to write it down is when you’re at your easel and those lies start to bark at you, you have a script ready. Because when you’re in that feeling, it’s hard to come up with it on your own, but you so it’s prepared to you can just open your journal and be like, Oh, okay, and then you just flip the script.

Nikki

6:36
That’s great idea.

Elli

6:37
Yeah. And so give yourself permission to learn and be bad before you’re good. Just constantly tell yourself, I’m learning. I’m learning. I’m growing. I’m growing. This is how I grow. And what helped me is I would think about skiing. Because if anybody’s ever skied or done any sport, I suppose you it’s like, the more you fall down and eat snow, you’re learning. If you go a whole day skiing, and you’ve never fallen down once, well, you didn’t learn anything. You didn’t grow, you didn’t become too much better. So you really have to be bad. And I tell people all the time, the only difference between me and you is that I’ve made way more bad paintings than you. Way more. I mean, okay, I sold 10,000 paintings. But do you know how many bad paintings didn’t sell and I’ve burned… I’ve probably burned more than 10,000 paintings, you know? Yeah, so I’ve made a lot of bad paintings to get there.

Elli

7:31
Time yourself. This is for the types of perfectionist that overwork things. So Laura, this might help you…

Laura

7:38
Ding ding, ding, ding, ding.

Elli

7:39
Yeah. Is if you set a timer, you just get an egg timer, or on your phone. Just set a timer and only allow yourself to paint for a designated time. And what I’ve told myself if I’m starting to overwork something, is I’m like, I look at a painting and I’m like, Hey, logically speaking, I should have this done in two hours, this should be finished in two hours. And I’ll look at my clock, maybe give myself two hours and 15 minutes. And I might set a timer for one hour, so I gotta be halfway through it, you know, set another timer. So I just timed myself. And I’m like, this is going to be done in two hours. So I can’t just eight hours later have this like overworked, perfect painting, that’s, you know, every edge is too hard and all that stuff that happens. So timing yourself, I think is real key.

Elli

8:25
And I think baby steps. Achieve small goals that will incrementally build to more. So you don’t have to, like overcome all your problems in one week. You know, you can just… baby steps, you know, and celebrate those those wins and celebrate, you know, man I was really productive this week. And and I made two bad paintings. It’s awesome. You know?

Laura

8:48
I don’t know if you’re aware of Sark, the author Sark. But she has a book where she talks about micro movements. And it’s like the tiniest little micro movements. You know, if I’m going to be a creative writer, today, I’m going to set out my you know, if I want to actually write I’ll put the journal out and the pencil next to it, you know, and then tomorrow, I’m going to do the next step. So that you’re not overwhelmed.

Elli

9:11
That’s right. Yeah. I mean, if you have a hard time getting started, just say, alright, I’m drinking my coffee at nine. And I got to be somewhere at 11. From 9:30 to 10:30 I’m going to paint something. Just something. You know, that’s, that’s a just, you know, an achievement.

Elli

9:29
So, okay, know that it’s not possible to stay bad at something long term. It is just literally not possible. I mean, have you ever met a person or if you’ve ever experienced it in your life where you’re just like, I’ve always been really terrible at you know, whatever.

Laura

9:51
Well Elli, I’m a really bad cook, and I’ve always been a bad cook.

Elli

9:55
Yeah, but you don’t you don’t put effort into it. You’re not trying to grow.

Nikki

9:58
Yeah, but you’re not doing it every day from 9:30 to 10:30.

Laura

10:03
Yes, true.

Nikki

10:05
You’re just still in the make bad paintings phase of cooking.

Elli

10:08
Right. And if you and that’s, that’s a super important key to think about if you, if you paint, you know, one week you do a lot of painting, and then you have kind of a bad experience or, or whatever, or somebody says, Would you paint what is that, and then you don’t paint for three months, and then you try it again. And then you don’t paint for six months, and then you and you’re just on and off, on and off, and you’re inconsistent, you’re gonna, you might, you’re gonna stay bad, because you didn’t do something long term. Yeah, but if you if you paint solidly, consistently, you know, I tell people, if you really want if you’re serious about being a professional artist, if you are serious about being a good artist, it’s non negotiable, you have to paint at least 20 hours a week, every single week. Otherwise, you’re just playing around, so and 40 is better. 40, you will get there quick, within three months, you’ll be over all your hurdles, if you can paint 40 hours a week for three months straight, you’re through it, you’ll never deal with perfectionism again. So consistency is, is you can’t stay bad if you’re consistent, you just can’t.

Elli

11:16
So writing out positive affirmations and saying them out loud. You know, a power statement’s great, you say it in first person present tense, and you know, I’m a fantastic painter, and you don’t want to say things like, I never get stuck, I don’t struggle with… that’s not a positive affirmation. You just say, I finished paintings in record time. My paintings are sold before I ever even finish them. People all over the world love my art, it touches them on a profound deep level. Every brushstroke I execute is, is emotional, or is expressive, or is fantastic. Or renders the form or whatever you want to say, like so just positive affirmations and and say them out loud. Because what it does is it conditions your old mind or your primal mind or your subconscious mind into believing. Because it’s like a child, it just it doesn’t know lies from truth. It just believes anything you tell it. So if you tell your subconscious mind, I’m fat and ugly, it believes it. But if you tell your subconscious mind, I’m gorgeous and tall, even though you’re short, it will believe it, you know,

Nikki

12:27
And you’ll stand taller.

Elli

12:28
Yeah. So anyway, basically, the whole point of positive affirmations is you’re speaking to your subconscious mind. Because it’s your subconscious mind that’s directing a whole lot of stuff without you realizing it. And because we tell ourselves all kinds of bad things.

Elli

12:45
I think listening to podcasts that inspire you like your podcast. So that’s, that’s a real key. And just feed your positive mindset and starve negativity just refuse to be negative, you know, that negativity in that internal dialogue that’s negative, is just fodder for perfectionism. And you just want to avoid that at all costs, and really feed positive and starve negative.

Laura

13:13
Yeah, and to me that that last one is is all also about curiosity is like if I’m approaching something instead of maybe, you know, having a negative it’s spinning it over to say, well, what would happen if you know, as I’m as I’m working, or I’m painting…

Elli

13:27
Versus I gotta get this right.

Laura

13:29
Exactly.

Elli

13:30
Yeah. Yeah, that’s good.

Laura

13:32
Well, Elli, thanks so much for sharing those fabulous 10 tips with us. And we’re so happy to have you back on the show.

Elli

13:39
Well, thank you. I really enjoyed being here. And you ladies are great. And I really appreciate you.

Nikki

13:45
Well, thanks! We’re thrilled, we loved your stories. And I personally can’t wait to dive into more everything Milan Art.

Elli

13:55
Well, thank you.

Laura

13:56
Yeah, all the great content. You mentioned the YouTube. I know the Mastery program. There’s an art club. There’s an art residency program. Anyone who hasn’t listened to that last episode, you can go back and learn a lot more about those things.

Nikki

14:10
And again, we’ll have all the links in the show notes and with this episode to download a PDF with Elli’s 10 tips and tricks for combating perfectionism. Visit startistsociety.com/perfectionismtips.

Laura

14:26
Thanks for listening, and we’ll see you next time.